In the book, Losing Matthew: A Journey Through Grief and Finding God’s Abiding Grace Nancy shares with readers the journey she had with bringing Matthew into the world and parting with him as he entered the next on the very same day. Physically Nancy’s body healed through the trauma of his birth and immediate death, but healing mentally through the loss was much more of a challenge.
Even in the midst of the tragic loss of their son, Nancy’s longing to be used in God’s creative miracle to bring more children into the world was still there. Three years later, in the summer of 1991, Nancy learned she was pregnant again. What joy! And yet, within a few short months, this pregnancy too was lost to miscarriage. So, the plans—Nancy’s plans—changed again. It was at this point that Nancy realized that the plans she had for herself and her marriage (though good and even holy) were not the plans God had for them. Trusting in God’s goodness, they continued their journey as Nancy documented it all in her journal, patiently waiting for the day she would be reunited with her son as she remembered and cherished all the children she bore that were now in God’s hands.
Inside the pages of this book, Nancy writes:
The tears flowed, the sobs could be heard, and I could not be consoled. God, I truly felt more despair than anyone could know. Today my son was taken from me, and though I know he is with the Lord, the pain I feel is overwhelming. There is no word in the English language that can describe the devastation I feel over the death of my son.
I had my son, Matthew Michael, for so short a time, and yet the loss will always be with me. Lord, you have a plan for my life, and yes, I am willing to follow your plan.
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What readers have said . . .
One of the most striking dimensions of Matthew’s story for me is it provides a glimpse into the close relationship that Nancy has with God. Perhaps the greatest sign of a close relationship is continued dialogue. Not too many pages go by without her dialoguing with God: questioning, pleading, demanding, and thanking to name a few. While the topic of Nancy’s dialogue might not be in the experience of all, the conversations with God will ring true for all people of faith. (Fr. Pat Sloneker, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, OH)
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